I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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