Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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