I wannas sexs uuuuu
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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