capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
