Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
