As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
