we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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