Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
