can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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