I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
