Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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