What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She bit a glass in half.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
