They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
