you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
