Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
