Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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