No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
