just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
