so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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