Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
