My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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