Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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