Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
