I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am one with the molecules
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
