i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your penis caused this!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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