9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
