i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
