I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
