i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize