Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
