I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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