can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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