at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
