I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
