I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
