Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
