Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
