Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
