Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
