If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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