Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
