Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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