On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
