Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
