Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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