My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
