Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
