you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
