That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
