Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
