when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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