Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
