They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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