My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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