Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
