What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
