Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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