I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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