drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
