Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
