what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
