My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
