trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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