She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
