Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
