tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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