Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
