Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
