Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
