New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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