her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
