omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
