I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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