i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
