I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
