Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
