WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
